Insult Your Shoes

A lanky, golden-tressed and toasty tan dentist with chiseled features (wearing a white dental lab coat with the sleeves cut off) and his equally Aryan-esque dental hygienist (wearing a tank top and a miniskirt) stand stock-still and stare at the extremely squat and Semitic-looking patient who has just projectile vomited all over them: “Despite over a dozen diode laser hair removal treatments Harold’s entire torso – including his back and shoulders – remained covered in a thick, coarse pelt of black hair, making him – in his eyes, at least – the most unattractive and least desirable young man in Redondo Beach, and causing him to engage in petty acts of rebellion against his fellow denizens, none of whom, he was sure, would ever understand what it felt like to have your body be your adversary or to dread the scorching late-summer days when wearing a turtleneck was virtually impossible and probably dangerous from a thermoregulatory standpoint. These physical manifestations of Harold’s despair would help abate his self-loathing, but only for the moment.”

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