The Three Wishes Of Guy Gentile

Number one, I want you to pick me up on time this time. The last time you picked me up you were on hour late and I stood on the corner like a jerk. Do you have any idea how many cars stopped and asked me if I was looking for a date? You wouldn't believe it. I had no idea people still did that kind of thing, saw someone standing on a street corner and assumed they were hustling. I thought those days were long gone, but guess what? They're not. They're still here. People think if they stop and roll down their window and talk to you that you'll get in their car with them and have a good time. I don't want to do that. I don't want to have a good time. You know what I want? I want this hand cancer out of me. Out of all the things in the world I could have gotten and I had to go and get hand cancer. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to have to explain to people that I got six months to live and the reason is because I got hand cancer? Most  people don't even think such a thing exists. So I stopped telling them. For as long as I got left on this planet I'm not telling a single soul that I'm dying of hand cancer. From now on I'm telling them I got a disease so rare that the doctors don't even have a name for it, that they are still working on a name, and that hopefully before I die they'll have a name. So don't be late. Pick me up when you're supposed to. Number two, I don't want to listen to that music in your car anymore. I can't stand rock and roll. I'm a jazz man. I like jazz. I hate rock and roll and I keep telling you this and you keep playing the rock and roll every time I'm in your car. I know at one time I said I liked rock and roll, but I was lying. I said I liked rock and roll because I didn't want to tell you that I'm a jazz man. Most people don't like jazz. As a matter of fact, I'm the only person I know who likes jazz. I have tried to get other people to like it, but it never works. So now I'm done caring whether anyone likes jazz or not. I like jazz and that's all that matters and while I'm still here I'm going to listen to jazz every chance I got, and that includes while I'm sitting in your car. Number three, I want you to drive me straight to a hair salon across town. I have an appointment and I can't be late. They are open until nine pee-em, but I have to get there with enough time to spare because it's going to take them a while to straighten my hair. I'm sick and tired of having curls. Never for one day in my life have I felt as if I was someone who should have curly hair. On the inside I am someone with straight hair, and now, before I die, I want the outside the match the inside. That would really bring me some peace and some closure. To look at myself and see a man with straight hair would make me the happiest man alive. The last time I tried to straighten my hair they burnt my scalp. I still have scars. They used lye and they left it in too long. But now they have this process from Japan that supposedly really works. Relaxes your hair, and in the process, relaxes you as well.

Number one, I want you to pick me up on time this time. The last time you picked me up you were on hour late and I stood on the corner like a jerk. Do you have any idea how many cars stopped and asked me if I was looking for a date? You wouldn’t believe it. I had no idea people still did that kind of thing, saw someone standing on a street corner and assumed they were hustling. I thought those days were long gone, but guess what? They’re not. They’re still here. People think if they stop and roll down their window and talk to you that you’ll get in their car with them and have a good time. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to have a good time. You know what I want? I want this hand cancer out of me. Out of all the things in the world I could have gotten and I had to go and get hand cancer. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to have to explain to people that I got six months to live and the reason is because I got hand cancer? Most people don’t even think such a thing exists. So I stopped telling them. For as long as I got left on this planet I’m not telling a single soul that I’m dying of hand cancer. From now on I’m telling them I got a disease so rare that the doctors don’t even have a name for it, that they are still working on a name, and that hopefully before I die they’ll have a name. So don’t be late. Pick me up when you’re supposed to. Number two, I don’t want to listen to that music in your car anymore. I can’t stand rock and roll. I’m a jazz man. I like jazz. I hate rock and roll and I keep telling you this and you keep playing the rock and roll every time I’m in your car. I know at one time I said I liked rock and roll, but I was lying. I said I liked rock and roll because I didn’t want to tell you that I’m a jazz man. Most people don’t like jazz. As a matter of fact, I’m the only person I know who likes jazz. I have tried to get other people to like it, but it never works. So now I’m done caring whether anyone likes jazz or not. I like jazz and that’s all that matters and while I’m still here I’m going to listen to jazz every chance I got, and that includes while I’m sitting in your car. Number three, I want you to drive me straight to a hair salon across town. I have an appointment and I can’t be late. They are open until nine pee-em, but I have to get there with enough time to spare because it’s going to take them a while to straighten my hair. I’m sick and tired of having curls. Never for one day in my life have I felt as if I was someone who should have curly hair. On the inside I am someone with straight hair, and now, before I die, I want the outside the match the inside. That would really bring me some peace and some closure. To look at myself and see a man with straight hair would make me the happiest man alive. The last time I tried to straighten my hair they burnt my scalp. I still have scars. They used lye and they left it in too long. But now they have this process from Japan that supposedly really works. Relaxes your hair, and in the process, relaxes you as well.

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